Thankful

Today it seemed like - ok, the writing is "on the wall" and God is saying...BE THANKFUL.  So I decided to do a short blog about being thankful - and not just because Thanksgiving is around the corner (although that is rather ironic I admit).  I tell a little more about my journey of why I am doing the blog...You can check it out -  Attitude of Gratitude

What Will I Choose To Fear?

"The fear of God is the death of every other fear; like a mighty lion, it chases all other fears before it." – Spurgeon

 You may have heard me say this before, but I have this phrase that often shows up in my journals: "Fear seizes and paralyzes me."  I don't always even know what I am afraid of, but I know that I feel paralyzed.  


So when I read this quote by Spurgeon a light bulb came on.  I began to think - "so if I currently am experiencing fear, does this mean I do not fear God but I fear something other than God?"  A sense of understanding started to settle upon me.  Then I read this quote on my friend's Facebook status:

"Courage in not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."

When I read this I realized that what I had been doing was giving leverage to the things I was fearing.  I was saying - this thing that I am fearing is more important than fearing God himself.  I believe having courage or being confident in the Lord is not having an absence of fear - for that would not be human and I am DEFINITELY human - but it is using the knowledge that God gave me to choose that what I am fearing need not swallow me whole.  Instead to choose fearing God - not in a scary halloween fear way - but in a reverent, God is holy and all powerful and knows what's best sort of way.  This choice is not always easy, because often the things that I fear are so much more "in my face" - but when I believe that God is for me and not against me, and when I lean wholly into Him, I know that the Spurgeon quote will start to resound more loudly in my life.

Cockroaches in My Life

One of the things I am not fond of in my new Florida life is my exposure to cockroaches.  The bug at first paralyzed me - I couldn't even move when I would see one.  Fortunately, every time we would have one in our apartment Josh was home and could kill them.  That is until a few weeks ago when I moved something and there it was, and there we were, me and my kids, having a stand off with the cockroach.  I did kill it, but I wiggled and made some crazy noise while doing it.  So gross.

For 3 weeks straight we had pest control come and spray.  Finally after week 3, we haven't seen a cockroach for a few weeks.  Until last night.  And honestly, never would have thought this, but I think God is using this disgusting cockroach matter to show me something in my own life.

So obviously you see the issue - no matter how many times we’ve had pest control come and spray – the cockroaches just keep coming back.  I think God is wanting me to see that I've been doing some "pest control" in my own life.  I’m just temporarily taking care of surface problems, while these awful critters are still alive and active, finding their way back in.

It makes my body tense, not able to relax and enjoy our home when I am on constantly looking around for cockroaches.  In my relationship with God,  he wants me to feel at home, able to relax with him, but I am looking around for little things (or big) to go wrong, thinking what will drop next. I feel defenseless against the “critters” and instead of just saying – it’s just how it is, they are just bugs that really can’t harm me (I think), it’s part of the experience of life here on earth, I am tense and fearful.  Or I wonder if I am doing something wrong (like not vacuuming enough or whatever),

Maybe God just wants to use things in life to say – "Jen, we've got a situation that keeps coming up. You've tried to get rid of it your way, why not try to ask me about it." And I also sense that he is telling me that even though I am scared, nearly paralyzed, that he is wanting me to trust that he's got it under control even if I do still see "critters" I don't like from time to time.  Allowing him into my every nook and cranny is scary, but I think it will be worth it (!) - I mean perhaps one day I could stop calling pest control all together, but if not, I know there will be no cockroaches in heaven!! (ok that's not theologically sound I admit - but you get the point)

Psalm 103:12-14

New Living Translation (NLT)

 ¹² He has removed our sins as far from us
      as the east is from the west.
 ¹³ The Lord is like a father to his children,
      tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
 ¹⁴ For he knows how weak we are;
      he remembers we are only dust.

What is Anchoring You?

When I was going through some hard seasons in life I clung to Isaiah 55:12-13, calling it my anchor.  For it was during that dark time of life that I was believing God by faith alone that I would be led out of darkness and back into His marvelous light. As I was flipping through my Bible a few weeks back I ran across those highlighted verses again and was struck by the word "cypress" because that word is now in part of where we live.  

I got to thinking that even though I thought I had come out of that season of darkness, which is true that I was experiencing joy again, that perhaps God is wanting to do more of work in me.  There are more thorns to remove so the cypress can come up.  And even though I feel like it is just season after season of storms - I know that my anchor truly is God and I need not be afraid to face the storm raging even within.

Isaiah 55:12-13

"For you shall go out in joy
   and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
   shall break forth into singing,
   and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
   instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the LORD,
   an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off."

Sojourner

Sojourn.  It's a word I don't use often, yet I find myself relating more to this term lately. To sojourn is to stay as a temporary resident.  When we committed to come to Orlando, we committed to something for one year.  We find ourselves in temporary residency.

And yet in my heart I know that I want "home" - I want to feel settled.  I do think God placed that desire in us for a reason.  I am not crazy to desire home or to want to feel settled.  It speaks to my inner need for something that this place, or any place I ever live, cannot ever truly fulfill.


No matter how settled I may ever get, the fact of the matter is this:  we are ALL sojourners.

Psalm 144:4

English Standard Version (ESV)

 Man is like a breath;
   his days are like a passing shadow.

Our real home is not here on earth.  We all have a God shape void in our heart that can only be filled by Him.  And yet, so many times we are trying to fill that with so many other things that leave us longing, and give us empty promises.  


So I am going to try to attempt to embrace this sojourner lifestyle.  It seems biblical.  Keeping my eyes fixed on eternity and striking a balance between creating home and not making this earthly home my everything.  In his grace, by the power of His Spirit.

Ocean Ponderings

 

There is something so powerful about the ocean.  First there is the vastness of ocean, the seemingly never-ending water. Then there are the waves.  Standing in the ocean, the force of a wave can literally knock you over.  If you are able to stand firm against the strength of the wave, beware of the sand being sucked from beneath you as the undercurrent of the wave flowing back out could just as easily take you for a ride.  The sheer sound of the waves are enough to call you to attention, and are what keeps my children from entering the ocean's waters.

While it's true that the sound of the crashing waves is thunderous, this is one of the many things about the ocean that draws me there.  I love that rhythmic sound, the warmth of the sun, the beauty of the colors - tans, whites, blues.  When I am at the ocean I am struck by the vastness of God and his power. It's peaceful and yet I also can't help but to think about the irony of how life can feel at times like standing in those waves.  Transitions can knock me over - and there are many things pulling ever so subtly like those undercurrents.  Standing firm can seem like gearing up for the next wave to hit and can be exhausting.

Thankfully I was reminded that God cares about everything I am experiencing.  He created everything - the waves, the birds, the jellyfish, the grains of sand, and me - and knows exactly what I need.

I can't go to the beach without thinking about these verses: (Psalm 139:1-18)

 O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say,"Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well....in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Love Letter From God

Change

  In life there is always change.  But what about when we are the ones in need of change?  Have you ever been desiring to change something about yourself, only to find yourself doing the same thing over and over?  Why does it seem that my external life is in constant change whether I want it to be or not, but my internal life I cannot change?

Currently I am reading a book titled You Can Change. I really am enjoying the book, although it is a slower read for me because there is so much for me to process.  Like this quote:

Many people change their behavior, but their motives and desires are still wrong; so their new behavior is no more pleasing to God than their old behavior.

I was convicted when reading about how we want to justify ourselves - whether that be to God or even to other people.  Justifying, or proving, ourselves is a way of trying to "demonstrate we're worthy of God or respectable in the eyes of other people." When the truth of the matter is that when we do that we are saying "the cross wasn't enough." We are saying - Yes, Jesus, thank you for dying on that cross, but I think I need to add something to that.

Instead "we don't have to worry about proving ourselves because God says, 'You're my child.  We don't have a spirit of fear, but a Spirit who prompts us to cry, 'Abba, Father.' We don't have to worry about the future because God has made us heirs so that all his resources are ours."

So the question was posed - when we want to change ourselves - what is our motive? Here are some statements from the book:

• The thought of changing makes me feel:
  • sad
  • like life will become boring, unsatisfying, hard
  • an unpleasant duty I need to do to win God's approval

Do you sometimes think:

• God won't bless me because I've let him down
• I need to make it up to God because I've sinned
• God will answer my prayers because I've been good
• I sometimes make sure people know about the good things I'm doing.
• I tell "little white lies" to cover up my failings
• I feel like I've let myself down when I sin

I have so many issues - I don't fully trust God, I am too quick to anger, I can let my emotions rule me.  Temptation seems to crouch at my door and yet the timing of this book has been so good.  Even though it's called You Can Change, I feel like it could as easily be called You CAN'T Change....On Your Own Strength.  But no one would probably buy that book.  It's not about pulling yourself up by your boots straps.  It's not about hunkerin' down and working harder.  "We think activity will change us....but our rituals and disciplines can't change us."  "Are you so foolish?  After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" (Gal 3:1-3).  I need Him.  Daily.  (Moment by Moment!) And He is willing.  I am ever thankful.

My Florida Life

From North Dakota, to Colorado, through Iowa and a stop in Kentucky with one night in Georgia, we finally made it to Orlando.  I enjoyed many parts of our journey - the people we were with, the places we've been able to see, but it's good to know that we are unpacking and won't be REPACKING in another 6 weeks!

Moving has been one big overwhelming journey.  And what I am now referring to as "My Florida Life" as proven to be full of mishaps, meltdowns, and yet even many blessings if I am keeping my eyes open to them.

This weekend is move in for UCF (University of Central Florida) and I am told some 20,000 or more people are moving into the area not far from us.  I can tell because the traffic that I already consider congested, is now like some major event has just been let out and people are crazy about maneuvering their vehicles through tight spaces!  Yikes!

More to come on "My Florida Life," and my thoughts throughout this journey.  Hope you stick around!

Map Reading Helpful - who knew?

Here's to hoping that our daughter is better with map than her mother!  Once Josh and I were leading a mission trip in Montreal, Canada for a youth group (Josh used to be a youth director in MN) and I was in charge of the map.  We were completely lost.  Josh finally looked over, took the map from my hands and turned it around.  I had been reading the map UPSIDE DOWN!  Boy was I ever embarrassed as our volunteers had been following us, making turns and all the while I was leading everyone in the complete WRONG direction!

Even when it comes to my GPS, I still need to know how to use the device in order to be able to get around.  As in all of life, if you are going to get somewhere, you need a plan and you need some tools.  I often make plans and have my tools (map/GPS) - yet how often am I really taking my plans before the Lord.  I do, yet I was convicted when I read this passage from Isaiah 30:

 ¹"Ah, stubborn children," declares the LORD,"who carry out a plan, but not mine,and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit,

   that they may add sin to sin;
² who set out to go down to Egypt,
   without asking for my direction,
to take refuge in the protection of Pharaoh
   and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!"

I was convicted because - although I have a good tool (I think the Bible is the best map/tool of all because in it is the living Word of God - it is active, it is applicable, it is so many things I won't list them all, but feel free to add your own thoughts about it in the comments), how often am I seeking out God in His word?

And when I am holding the map, I want to hold it "rightly."  I don't want to be holding it "upside down" - or reading it how I WANT to read it.  So I need to ask God to help me discern what it says.

As I journey in life I want to be a child of God who asks for directions and is not too stubborn or proud thinking I can "find my own way."  When I do that, I am taking refuge in myself or in whatever I may be settling in at the time.

So I guess I can no longer say - "I'm just not good at reading maps!" ha ha ha! :)

It's All in the Attitude

Since the end of May, we were living in a motel room in Medora, North Dakota.  A tourist town with a population of less than 100 people, it was the smallest town I have ever lived in.  It was an adjustment in the beginning - I was used to being able to run to Walmart or Target when I was out of whatever or when I would get home and realize that the one thing I went to the store for is the one thing I forgot to pick up (there was no Target folks - not even in the town 30 miles away...which is where the Walmart was).  

But the strange thing was, after time, we settled into a routine, a way of life there in Medora.  I forgot about Starbucks and Malls and started using cash since the local places didn't take credit/debit cards.  And although the food wasn't the most amazing we had ever had, we grew accustomed to iceberg lettuce and daily Pizza Parlor trips. And truly, there are very nice people in Medora and it was great to be able to visit with them and get to know them. 

I noticed, however, that it almost became annoying to us when we had to wait in line at the Pizza Parlor. I was appalled once that there were no places to park in front of the Chuckwagon Buffet.  When the sidewalks were crowded during the 4th of July, I became flustered and irritated wishing that my small town would go back to it's peaceful ways where the flag ceremony with horses and boy scouts and music on the speakers happened at 6:30 every evening.  Then it hit me.  I had developed Entitlement.  

This was not my town.  I did not deserve any of the privileges that I had become accustomed to by living there.  And it made me start to think about how much my heart really thinks it's entitled to.  I'm not saying that God doesn't want good things for us - this is just between me and God.  But really, living in Medora has made me realize that I think I "need" a lot and "should have" this or that.  When in reality, everything is a gift from God and my heart would fare better in having a thankful attitude instead of a "woe is me" attitude.  

Orphan vs. Child of God

As I was reading a section from the Gospel Centered Life this question popped up that hit me in a spot that is all too familiar - and I was wondering how it would hit you as well...

As God thinks of you RIGHT NOW, what is the look on His face?

What did you come up with?  For me, I immediately went to a disappointed look.  Was yours an angry look?  Does his face say, "Get your act together?" or (this would be true for me) "If only you do a little more, try a little harder..."

"If you imagined God as anything but overjoyed with you, you have fallen into a performance mindset.  Because the gospel truth is: in Christ, God is deeply satisfied with you.  You are united with Jesus!"

When I read that sentence it still was a little like - yes, I know that those are the words that the Bible says... but.  And even in my "But," I know that I am not being true to the truth.  So why doesn't the truth penetrate my heart completely?

The article talks about the difference between having an orphan (or slave) mindset and a son/daughter mindset.  Here's an exercise they offer (I won't list everything).  Which of the areas would you like to grow in during the next year?

Orphan ----- struggles to trust things to God, lacks confidence, solution to failure: try harder, has to fix your problems, needs to be in control of situations and others, is defensive when accused of error or weakness, lives on a success/fail basis, needs to be right,feels as if no one cares about you, strong-willed with ideas, agendas, and opinions.

Son/Daughter ------- feels freed from worry because of God's love for you, able to take risks-even to fail, doesn't always have to be right, is able to freely confess your faults to others, content with what Christ has provided, open to criticism because you rest on Christ's perfection, freedom from making a name for yourself, prayer is a first resort, Jesus is more and more the subject of conversation, experiences more and more victory over the flesh, aware of inability to fix life, people and problems.

When we act out of the orphan/slave mentality we are actually minimizing the gospel, minimizing God's holiness.  As the article puts it - "If we really understood the infinite majesty of God's holiness, there's no way we'd ever think we could live up to his standards! The face that we try to gain God's approval by 'right living' shows that we've reduced his standards far beyond what they actually are.  Rather than being awed by the infinite measure of his holy perfection, we have convinced ourselves that if we just try hard enough, we can merit God's love and approval."

These are the things that my mind and heart are chewing on today.  I hope they cause you to ponder as well.

Defining Home

We began a new journey last week.  We packed up all our belongings in Wisconsin, putting some in storage, some in Iowa and took the rest with us. Technically will be homeless until mid-August.  Currently our "home" is a motel in Medora, North Dakota as we are helping staff the Campus Crusade for Christ summer project here for the next 6 weeks.  After that we will live in Fort Collins, Colorado temporarily as Josh works on a team getting ready for our National Campus Crusade staff conference there.  Then we will finally land in Orlando, Florida where for 10 months we shall call that location "home."


As I was trying to prep our kids about this transition, one phrase that I kept trying to enforce was that home for them would be wherever Mommy and Daddy were.  That way, whether we were in a motel, in a dorm room or whatever the case may be, they knew that what was most important was that they were with Mommy and Daddy and that in us they can find security.


What I didn't realize is that the same is true for me as a child of God.  My home is not really here on this earth, this is a place that I am just passing through on my way to my eternal home with Christ.  And yet in me is a longing for home, that sense of security and a place where I can truly rest.  Wherever I am, as long as I remember that my Heavenly Father is with me, I can experience that security and I can find rest, for in Him is where my "home" truly is.  

John 14:1-4 - "Let not your hearts be troubled.  Believe in God, believe also in me.  In my Father's house are many rooms...and if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself..."

 2 Corinthians 5:1 - "For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens."

Hebrews 13:14 - "For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come."

Running for the Finish Line

Tomorrow I will run my first half marathon.  The finish line of the race is running through the players tunnel at Lambeau Stadium and onto the field itself.  That should be really cool.  Of course, I am not excited about the weather forecast.  20 plus mile hour winds from 7-9 a.m., which is when I will be running.  Well, it will be an experience to say the least.  I've trained, I've tried preparing my mind, I will push myself to the finish line.

As throughout this whole process, it's reminded me of our "faith training."  It's caused me to think about if I am training as hard for holiness as I am for one half marathon.  The time and energy I put into this, the dedication I made each week is not the same as the dedication I make to my time with God, studying his word, praying and seeking his face.  It did cause me to increase my awareness and for that I am thankful.  

Tomorrow I will run a half marathon and it will be over.  Everyday I have a choice to run with Jesus, train with him, allow him to transform me and make me more like him.  Not running in vain, not running to be a busybody, but purposeful, boundary-setting running that means I will not get lazy about my faith, I will not let fear paralyze me and I will press on towards the goal, which is heaven.

1 Corinthians 9:25-27 (The Message)

You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally.

I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself.

Reality Check

I have many favorite quotes from the Campus Crusade for Christ staff conference I was at this weekend.  One that keeps popping back into my head however is "being so connected to your present reality that you miss the reality of the Lord's presence."

We talked about Sarah in Genesis 17 and how she didn't believe that God would allow her to give birth to a son at such an old age even though that is exactly what God had said he would do.  Perhaps she was focused on her past experiences, disappointments.   Whatever the case, her husband did not waiver in unbelief.

As I looked today at the story of Naomi in Ruth 1 (and then again later in the book of Ruth), I saw something there as well that reminded me of bringing our present reality into the presence of our Lord.  Naomi had indeed much to be sorrowful about.  She lost her husband and only two sons.  Naomi, though had become bitter - she asked people to no longer call her Naomi, but to call her by a name that meant bitterness, Mara.  She was missing out on the current presence of God by being so caught up in her present realities.  Am I making sense?

What is it that you are facing?  What is your current reality?  Mine is that we are packing, getting ready for a summer of traveling and moving around a lot before finally leaving everything that we know and everything that is comfortable.  I have no idea exactly what my next 6-12 plus months will look like.  But will God's presence be more real to me than any of my present realities or realities to come?  What about you?

Bring your present reality into the presence of God.  Reality doesn't then change, perspective does.  Thanks Steve Sellers.

My Heart in Packing

We are in the midst of packing.  At the end of May we will start a journey taking us to North Dakota, Colorado, Iowa and finally Florida.  It's been this hard time of not wanting to let go of the things I love where I currently am and knowing that there will be good things ahead - only I don't know that "for sure."  And for me, as maybe it is for you, when uncertainties are ahead my heart veers to anxiousness. 

Today as I was going through things in our room, I found a stack of journals.  I found some encouragement from my own penned words in them as I realized that in this moment of transition I have a choice ---- to walk in a manner worthy of God's calling or to allow my anxiousness to swallow me up and spiral into the dark pit that I've seen all too many times in my past. 

Here is what I read in a journal from 2009:

Do not now be stiff necked as your fathers were, but yield yourselves to the LORD and come to his sanctuary.  2 Chronicles 30:8  

For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.  Ecclesiastes 3:22

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;  I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,and the flame shall not consume you.  Isaiah 43:1-2

So here I am Lord, I am willing to go and I will yield myself to you.  I will come into your sanctuary to find my peace, my joy and my hope because this is just a season of life and it has a purpose.  I shall not fear because you redeemed me, you called me and I am yours.  You say this will not overwhelm me, but that you will be with me.  So, even when I feel overwhelmed - I can cling to the promise that it truly will NOT overwhelm me.  You will give me everything I need.  Thank you Lord for loving me and caring about this heart of mine.

Training Lull

So I started to feel sick one week and decided to lay low on the running - well, that week led into the snowstorm week and now I find myself having gone 2 weeks without a long run (which to me means over 4 miles).  I am very frustrated with myself.  Tomorrow I need to kick it in high gear and run a lot again.  I am nervous and anxious about the run. Today, I opened up my email to read the following from the "Cellcom GB Marathon: First Timers Newsletter"

"If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive, and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done."  - Vince Lombardi

...and it hits me.  I've always struggled with believing in myself, I wouldn't describe myself as courageous and I really honestly don't have much of a competitive drive.  I'm the person who drives the competitive people crazy because I don't really care if we keep score, having fun is more important to me.  And if I am totally honest, I don't really like to sacrifice things (like my coffee, bad food choices and all the time it's taking to train) even though I am seeing how it is worthwhile.  (not coffee - that WILL remain!)  So how will I do this half marathon?  Well I am dedicated and I am determined - so at least I got that goin' for me! :)

 It also makes me think (as it is Good Friday today) of someone else who had courage, determination, dedication and was willing to sacrifice it all to pay the price for something that is worthwhile.  It says in the Bible that Jesus went to the cross "for the joy set before him endured the cross" -- he did that because he knew it was God's will, God's way to bring us back into relationship with him again.  Jesus was dedicated to die so that you may live and he was determined to restore the relationship that was broken because of sin.  That is truly good and is what makes today Good Friday.

And I love the rest of that verse - I like to think about it when I run:

...let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2

I will get back into the swing of things and off this lull - I may not have all those qualities Vince was talking about, but I am glad that I have a God who loved me so much that he went to the cross, died in place and now I am perfect in his sight.  Crazy!

Snowing in April

I really was mad today about the snow.  Every time I looked outside I was almost appalled at the amount of white falling from the sky, sticking to the trees, covering the ground.  Then my friend, Lea,  posted this on Facebook:

 "I think God is expanding our appreciation for spring, the way He grows our appreciation for the forgiveness by leaving us in this sinful flesh. I'm tired of snow and I'm tired of my sin and through that, I can't wait for warmer weather and heaven."

And now tonight as I am once again staring out my window in shock because I think I should see buds on the branches instead of winter white, I am thinking again about that statement.  And truly, the question that came to my mind was ---- am I as appalled at my sin as I am at snow in April?  I mean, honest, this snow isn't going to last.  Next week it's supposed to be hit 70 degrees.  How quick my heart is to complain and whine (gee...sounds a little "fleshy" to me).

Maybe perhaps I should just appreciate the beauty of the snow, even though it's not the timing I'd like.  Maybe I shall be reminded that God's ways are not my ways, his timing not my timing.  And so when I don't know what my future holds - lean into his faithful arms that are ready to hold me.  Instead of letting my heart be crabby and bitter, I will wait with eager expectation for what he has in store for me - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

In His Garden

I love this video - please enjoy it yourself.  And feel free to comment and tell me what you think!! :)

"The Lord will guide you continually,
      giving you water when you are dry
      and restoring your strength.
   You will be like a well-watered garden,
      like an ever-flowing spring."
Isaiah 58:11 (NLT)

"For I am like a tree whose roots reach the water,
      whose branches are refreshed with the dew."
Job 29:19 (NLT)

Training

For the past month or more I have been training for a half marathon.  First, before you get any crazy notions, let me set the record straight - I am NOT a runner.  I am not a lover of running.  So why sign up for a half marathon?  Great question! (I have wondered that myself many times during this training! ha!).  I think for me personally, I have always wondered if I could make it.  I also thought I could say - on "this" birthday year I ran a half marathon.  So for me, it's a goal I've set.  Which brings me to point number two - I'm normally not a goal setter by default. It's not my first instinct to wake up in the morning and make a list of all the things I'd like to accomplish that day (that would be my husband - good thing we've got some balance in this family!).

As I have been training, I've noticed some interesting connections in my brain. 

While I am not one to set goals or have awesome follow through skills, I know that if I don't stick with this training plan I will not be ready for race day.  Every time during a run that I feel like I want to quit, I remember that this is only temporary and that I will feel so much better (like I accomplished something) when I am done (which is true).  If I were to stop running, I would feel defeated and discouraged and it would totally mess with my head (I've found running to be very psychological).  But after each run and adding on an additional mile, I am amazed at what my body can accomplish, I feel stronger.  I still get very nervous before each run, but I have to take that first step and then keep my feet moving.

This is so closely connected to our spiritual race.

While we are here on earth, the Bible talks about us running the race, our goal being eternity with Christ.  But I can easily wake up each morning and get distracted and lose focus of my main goal.  Instead of living for the eternal, I get caught up in the things of this world that can entangle me and slow me down, leaving me feeling discouraged and disheartened.  I need to keep with the training plan - stay connected to God's word, which holds the ultimate guide to how to navigate through the race.  This time on earth is temporary and therefore, when I am in a trial I can move my feet one at a time and know that one day I will feel better and stronger, having gone through the struggle. And I do need some encouragement along the way, I need some people to say keep going!

  "...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith"    Hebrews 12:1-2

 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable"  1 Corinthians 9:24-25

Dependent

Tonight I lost my phone. At first I was just a little annoyed because I wanted to call Josh and tell him where I was. Then I got home and got more frustrated because I realized there were lots of things I needed to communicate via my phone and without it, there would be a cosmic black void, a silence, a.... AHHH... I'm sooo lost without my phone. Without it I will not be able to contact a vast amount of people. And the texting, oh how I love the easy quick way to shoot out a text! Oh the tragedy of it all! So I sit here waiting to see if the building manager from campus calls me back to see if they found my phone. If they don't --- well friends... that ain't good.

In the mean time, I am forced to ponder two things:

1. I am dependent on my phone. I need it daily. It's my line of communication. Without it, I am lost. However, am I daily depending on my Savior? Without Him, I truly am a wondering fool. When I don't have that daily touch point with God, if only it would seem as if something were not right, something were missing, just like I knew that my phone was missing.


2. Just as I need my phone to be in direct communication with family and friends, I need to be in direction communication with God. He doesn't care whether it's the long conversations (like when you're on your phone for too long and your ear starts to burn!) or if it's like the short text you shoot out. As long as it's communication, it's relationship building.

So I'm thankful for this reminder of needing to be dependent on God, but I do hope that I find my phone!

Gauges

Today I heard a story on the radio. The guy was talking about how he kinda thought there might be something wrong with his car, but he was running late, so he kept driving anyway. Pretty soon, his car kept slowing down, even though his foot stayed on the pedal. Then, smoke started billowing from the hood. He got out and ran the opposite direction from his car. Fortunately, a mechanic was driving by and said "Pop your hood!" Someone else driving by happened to have a fire extinguisher in their vehicle, and eventually the fire was put out. The really funny part of the story was this guy's car that was "going down in a blaze of glory," as he put it, was his Chevy Blazer! Ha!
The point was made though --- how often do we run around pushing ourselves to the point of going down in flames? Running late, pushing up against deadlines, not taking time to pause and enjoy the things that refresh and bring life....we begin to slow down, shut down, even though we are trying with all our might to keep our "foot on the pedal."

So a couple things here:

1. Slow down and check your gauges. We all have internal gauges or cues that tell us how we are doing. If we are taking time to listen we can save ourselves a lot of internal damage. Journaling is one of my favorite ways to slow down and process. I also think it's helpful for me to read my Bible and pray - it refocuses my mind and "refuels" me.


2. Who are you hanging around? We all need people in our lives to help us. Just like the man needed the mechanic and the dude with the fire extinguisher, we need friends who will tell us when we should pull over, when we might need "a repair," or to be there for us when we "crash and burn." These people need to be people who love you and are willing to speak truth in a loving and gracious manner to you.

So while you are journeying (is that a word?) through life - make sure you are checking your gauges and surrounding yourself with a community of supportive people. These two things will help you. They won't prevent all roadside emergencies, but they will indeed help!

Under Construction

Starting Monday, the bridge right by our house is going to be closed. Construction will begin to take out the lights, and insert the roundabout (they sure love these here in Wisconsin). I'm still quite leery how the roundabout is going to better this particular intersection as it's one of the more heavily trafficked with people coming on and off the highway, the frontage road with Target, Starbucks, Applebee's, Red Robin, etc.... I mean I envision roundabout backup/collisions! But I am not a city planner or expert, so I will endure the construction and mess and wait and see what comes of it.

All of this made me think of how God works in my life. Sometimes it seems like God is undergoing some "construction" in my life. And when it begins and I become quite leery of how it's really going to benefit me. I envision all the problems or pains this "construction" is bringing to my life and how it will never end (as it seems like most construction projects never do).

But as I said above, I am not the expert --- God is. And God knows me better than I know myself. So if God is the expert and has my best interest in mind, then I can trust that whatever "construction" he wants to do in me is for my good and therefore I can endure it.

Navigation Voices

Having a GPS system is pretty revolutionary. It really does help you along your journey. You can of course always do MapQuest. But the point being - we really all need a little help navigating when on a journey.

What I've enjoyed about our GPS is picking the voice which will be talking us through our journey. I feel like this was an important decision. I didn't want an annoying voice. It obviously couldn't be a foreign language - that just wouldn't be helpful at all. So I picked this gal who must be British or something because when we are in a big city like Minneapolis she will say -- "exit right onto the motorway." Motorway? Who calls it that? I kinda like it! I wish I could remember her name - let's call her Beatrice.

Many times I've thought ---- isn't Beatrice so patient with me. Whenever I make a wrong turn, or several wrong turns. She just simply keeps telling me -- "when possible, please turn around." Often though, I wonder, if I were Beatrice would I be so patient? I hear myself saying to Josh (yes, confession time friends) --- "What are you doing?" What if my GPS system were to say things like --- "What are you thinking?! I told you to make a right turn in 200 yards? What possibly did you not understand?" I'm assuming that the GPS sales would go down drastically if that was what they programmed their devices to say.

All this transferred over to make me think of the other journeys I'm on.

1. Relationally. Am I patient in my relationships? We all make mistakes. Even if we did hear someone ask us a simple request, we may still miss our turn. Sometimes we just need a gentle - "please turn around when possible." So will I be gentle? I would definitely appreciate others being gentle and patient with me.


2. Emotionally. How am I speaking to myself in my brain? May sound weird to you - but it makes perfect sense to me. Is your "GPS Navigation System" in your brain kind to yourself or are you constantly berating yourself? Just as in our relationship with others, we also need to be gentle and patient in our relationship with our self in order to be emotionally healthy.


3. Spiritually. What do you think of when you think of God? Someone saying "What are you doing?" or do you think of a gentle, patient voice that wants to guide you on your journey.

On A Journey

All of us are on a journey. To some, it seems like day in and day out it is the same mundane routines. Wake up, take shower, get dressed, brush teeth...walk out the door. Others are more aware of circumstances, people around them, influencing their day to day --- all impacting their journey. Where do you fall? Aware? Unaware? Somewhere in between? This blog's aim is open our awareness of the journey we are all on - leaving impressions on our relationships, our emotional health and how we view spirituality. I hope you enjoy.