Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My Heart in Packing

We are in the midst of packing.  At the end of May we will start a journey taking us to North Dakota, Colorado, Iowa and finally Florida.  It's been this hard time of not wanting to let go of the things I love where I currently am and knowing that there will be good things ahead - only I don't know that "for sure."  And for me, as maybe it is for you, when uncertainties are ahead my heart veers to anxiousness. 

Today as I was going through things in our room, I found a stack of journals.  I found some encouragement from my own penned words in them as I realized that in this moment of transition I have a choice ---- to walk in a manner worthy of God's calling or to allow my anxiousness to swallow me up and spiral into the dark pit that I've seen all too many times in my past. 

Here is what I read in a journal from 2009:

Do not now be stiff necked as your fathers were, but yield yourselves to the LORD and come to his sanctuary.  2 Chronicles 30:8  
For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.  Ecclesiastes 3:22
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;  I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,and the flame shall not consume you.  Isaiah 43:1-2
So here I am Lord, I am willing to go and I will yield myself to you.  I will come into your sanctuary to find my peace, my joy and my hope because this is just a season of life and it has a purpose.  I shall not fear because you redeemed me, you called me and I am yours.  You say this will not overwhelm me, but that you will be with me.  So, even when I feel overwhelmed - I can cling to the promise that it truly will NOT overwhelm me.  You will give me everything I need.  Thank you Lord for loving me and caring about this heart of mine.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Training Lull

So I started to feel sick one week and decided to lay low on the running - well, that week led into the snowstorm week and now I find myself having gone 2 weeks without a long run (which to me means over 4 miles).  I am very frustrated with myself.  Tomorrow I need to kick it in high gear and run a lot again.  I am nervous and anxious about the run. Today, I opened up my email to read the following from the "Cellcom GB Marathon: First Timers Newsletter"

"If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive, and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done."  - Vince Lombardi

...and it hits me.  I've always struggled with believing in myself, I wouldn't describe myself as courageous and I really honestly don't have much of a competitive drive.  I'm the person who drives the competitive people crazy because I don't really care if we keep score, having fun is more important to me.  And if I am totally honest, I don't really like to sacrifice things (like my coffee, bad food choices and all the time it's taking to train) even though I am seeing how it is worthwhile.  (not coffee - that WILL remain!)  So how will I do this half marathon?  Well I am dedicated and I am determined - so at least I got that goin' for me! :)

 It also makes me think (as it is Good Friday today) of someone else who had courage, determination, dedication and was willing to sacrifice it all to pay the price for something that is worthwhile.  It says in the Bible that Jesus went to the cross "for the joy set before him endured the cross" -- he did that because he knew it was God's will, God's way to bring us back into relationship with him again.  Jesus was dedicated to die so that you may live and he was determined to restore the relationship that was broken because of sin.  That is truly good and is what makes today Good Friday.

And I love the rest of that verse - I like to think about it when I run:
...let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2
I will get back into the swing of things and off this lull - I may not have all those qualities Vince was talking about, but I am glad that I have a God who loved me so much that he went to the cross, died in place and now I am perfect in his sight.  Crazy!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Snowing in April

I really was mad today about the snow.  Every time I looked outside I was almost appalled at the amount of white falling from the sky, sticking to the trees, covering the ground.  Then my friend, Lea,  posted this on Facebook:

 "I think God is expanding our appreciation for spring, the way He grows our appreciation for the forgiveness by leaving us in this sinful flesh. I'm tired of snow and I'm tired of my sin and through that, I can't wait for warmer weather and heaven."

And now tonight as I am once again staring out my window in shock because I think I should see buds on the branches instead of winter white, I am thinking again about that statement.  And truly, the question that came to my mind was ---- am I as appalled at my sin as I am at snow in April?  I mean, honest, this snow isn't going to last.  Next week it's supposed to be hit 70 degrees.  How quick my heart is to complain and whine (gee...sounds a little "fleshy" to me).

Maybe perhaps I should just appreciate the beauty of the snow, even though it's not the timing I'd like.  Maybe I shall be reminded that God's ways are not my ways, his timing not my timing.  And so when I don't know what my future holds - lean into his faithful arms that are ready to hold me.  Instead of letting my heart be crabby and bitter, I will wait with eager expectation for what he has in store for me - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Monday, April 4, 2011

In His Garden

I love this video - please enjoy it yourself.  And feel free to comment and tell me what you think!! :)

"The Lord will guide you continually,
      giving you water when you are dry
      and restoring your strength.
   You will be like a well-watered garden,
      like an ever-flowing spring."

Isaiah 58:11 (NLT)

"For I am like a tree whose roots reach the water,
      whose branches are refreshed with the dew."

Job 29:19 (NLT)

Friday, April 1, 2011

Training

For the past month or more I have been training for a half marathon.  First, before you get any crazy notions, let me set the record straight - I am NOT a runner.  I am not a lover of running.  So why sign up for a half marathon?  Great question! (I have wondered that myself many times during this training! ha!).  I think for me personally, I have always wondered if I could make it.  I also thought I could say - on "this" birthday year I ran a half marathon.  So for me, it's a goal I've set.  Which brings me to point number two - I'm normally not a goal setter by default. It's not my first instinct to wake up in the morning and make a list of all the things I'd like to accomplish that day (that would be my husband - good thing we've got some balance in this family!).

As I have been training, I've noticed some interesting connections in my brain. 

While I am not one to set goals or have awesome follow through skills, I know that if I don't stick with this training plan I will not be ready for race day.  Every time during a run that I feel like I want to quit, I remember that this is only temporary and that I will feel so much better (like I accomplished something) when I am done (which is true).  If I were to stop running, I would feel defeated and discouraged and it would totally mess with my head (I've found running to be very psychological).  But after each run and adding on an additional mile, I am amazed at what my body can accomplish, I feel stronger.  I still get very nervous before each run, but I have to take that first step and then keep my feet moving.

This is so closely connected to our spiritual race.

While we are here on earth, the Bible talks about us running the race, our goal being eternity with Christ.  But I can easily wake up each morning and get distracted and lose focus of my main goal.  Instead of living for the eternal, I get caught up in the things of this world that can entangle me and slow me down, leaving me feeling discouraged and disheartened.  I need to keep with the training plan - stay connected to God's word, which holds the ultimate guide to how to navigate through the race.  This time on earth is temporary and therefore, when I am in a trial I can move my feet one at a time and know that one day I will feel better and stronger, having gone through the struggle. And I do need some encouragement along the way, I need some people to say keep going!
  "...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith"    Hebrews 12:1-2
 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable"  1 Corinthians 9:24-25